Subtext? We don't need no stinkin' subtext!
Hell is what you make of it Part 1 by Killerweasel
Rated NC17
Note: It's Lindsey and Gunn. Could take place after Time Bomb.
“Wake up lawyer boy; I need to talk to you.” I muttered something rude about the owner of the voice’s mother, only to get a low chuckle in return. “If that’s the best you can do, you really need to pick up some new material.” I knew the voice but didn’t really know the man who was speaking. Don’t think I’d ever just sat down and talked to him before.
Yawning, I rolled over on the cot and opened my eyes. Ah yes, the street thug turned super lawyer. “Guess I should call you a lawyer now too, even if you had to cheat to get all that knowledge in your head.” That earned me a very nasty glare. Well excuse me. Some of us actually worked our asses off in law school, studied all the texts and demon languages here at the firm, and crammed the things we needed to know in our heads without having them inserted by outside means. He was a cheater, pure and simple.
Sitting up, I rubbed my hand over my chest. I hated no longer having the tattoos, made me not feel as safe any more. Then again, I was in one of the prison cells deep inside of Wolfram and Hart, one of the last places in the world I still wanted to be. I didn’t really have a choice in the matter though. Angel could keep me safe from the Partners, for now anyway, but I knew that wouldn’t last. Just my being here pissed him off and eventually he’d get rid of me in one way or another.
“Do you remember everything?” I looked through the bars at him. Oh, so that’s what this was about. Waited to see if he was going to say anything else, but he didn’t. Getting up from the cot, I moved across the cell, my bare feet slapping the cement. They wouldn’t let me have my boots, which pissed me off. If I was going to die, I’d rather have my boots on when that happened.
Leaned against the bars to the cell and gave him a very small smile. “Of course I remember. Moment that necklace comes off, you get to relive it all over again in all it’s fucking glory.” My hand rubbed over my heart without me even thinking about it. There wasn’t even a scar. You’d think having something like that happen repeatedly; some kind of mark would show. But the marks were on the inside and burned into your brain.
“Bet you think I deserved something like that, and you’re probably right. I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life. Maybe nothing that earned me a punishment of that degree, but redemption comes at a heavy price.” I rested my head against the bars for a moment, closing my eyes. I could still picture the first time it had happened. I’d know about that place, knew how things worked down there, and it had still not only scared the shit out of me, but hurt a lot more than I’d expected.
I opened my eyes again when I felt his fingers touch mine. “How do you make it go away?” It had come out almost as a whisper. Looked at his face and I shook my head slightly.
“You can’t. It’s going to haunt you until the end of your life. What, you don’t like remembering how it felt to get your heart carved out of your chest on a daily basis? How he took his sweet fucking time as the blade punctured the skin? The blade was never sharp enough to really cut through on the first couple times, was it? He had to work at it, slowly adding pressure until you wanted to pull your arms out of the chains and plunge it in yourself.” I could see he knew exactly what I was talking about. But there was something else on his face.
Before I could say something else, a guard came in to check on us, and he asked if the door to the cell could be opened. “But sir, Mr. Angel said no one could enter that cell without his permission.”
“I don’t need his permission. Let me in there now.” I felt bad for the guard, knowing full well Angel would bitch him out later. Stepping away from the door, I went back and sat down on the cot again. There was a buzzing sound and Gunn entered. He gave me a look and I shrugged. Wasn’t like I was going to try something, there was no point in that.
He came over and sat down next to me, looking at his hands for a moment. “You didn’t just get the heart thing, did you?” Tiny shake of his head. “That kind of place is designed to dish out whatever punishment you feel you deserve. Do you think you’ve paid enough now for whatever it is you think you’ve done?”
“It’ll never be enough. It’s my fault.” I was still a little unclear on what the hell happened while I’d been gone. Not like anyone actually came in here and talked to me. “If I hadn’t signed those papers, she’d still be alive.” That wasn’t entirely true though. If he hadn’t done it, someone else would have. These were events set in motion hundreds of years ago. The Partners hadn’t even known about it until after the fact. No way would they have permitted one of their former rivals to inhabit one of their dimensions, especially this one.
“Fred would be alive, and that thing wouldn’t have stolen her body. Looks like her, sounds like her, but it isn’t her. She’s gone and it’s my fault.” His hands had clenched into fists, and I could see the muscles bunching under the suit he was wearing. Reaching out, I put my hand on his arm, startling Gunn enough that he almost jumped. There was blood on his palms from where his nails had dug in.
“If it had been someone other than her, would you still be feeling like this? What if it had been some random Wolfram and Hart employee who was taken over? Would you guys even give a shit?” The answer to that question was ‘probably not’. Maybe it might have mattered a year or so ago, but not now. They were all tainted now, soiled and dirty just like the rest of us.
“You couldn’t have stopped this from happening. Someone would have helped set things into motion if you hadn’t. That’s the way things work around here. Believe me; I worked for this firm a lot longer than all of you combined. None of you should even be here. How exactly are you still helping the helpless by working in evil central?”
Disclaimer: The characters/concepts of Angel belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, et al. No infringement is intended and no profit is made. All fic and essay are copyrighted to their authors.